Monday, February 11, 2013

Trust with all your heart...

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”

Im sitting here asking myself what it means to trust someone with your heart… not your mind. When I have trusted others with my heart and not my intellect it was because of love. It often went against my logical judgment and it was inspired by a deep hope and faith in the person I was trusting. I often saw evidence that would lead me to mistrust the person but Love is a stubborn thing that creates a faith and hope that can do nothing but persevere. To trust someone with your heart means you have to love them deeply. You have to know them deeply and understand their character. You have to believe the best of them in spite of evidence that leads you to believe anything else.
Often my own understanding, based on my circumstances alone, would lead me to believe that God is unjust, hurtful, not kind and not worthy of my trust. When I have trusted him there have been times my paths have been straight but have clearly lead straight to heartbreak. Those times my intellect tells me “why did you trust? You should have known this would hurt. Why did you submit? You would do a better job leading your life. He is not trustworthy.” But it is my heart in those moments that reminds me that I do not have a mere intellectual belief in Jesus. I KNOW him and I love him and my heart tells me that his character is good, that he acts in only loving ways, that when his answer to my pleading is not yes…it is always better than yes…even it if leads down a straight path of suffering. There are deeper things at stake in these moments. Deeper treasures to gain.  My heart hopes and perseveres in that hope because I know my savior who loved and took the straight path set before him, that was full of suffering, straight to a cross for me. I know a love that suffered an agony that far surpasses anything he in his kindness would allow me to taste in this life. I know a love that took on the weight of every sin, felt the excruciating depth of the worlds brokenness and for a time was forsaken by his own father, the one he loved most…so he could bear my punishment… all to be with me. I know a love that chose me, that died for me, and that conquered death so that in my moments of suffering I would not be alone.
 If Jesus had only logically looked at the earth, at those who betrayed him over and over, he should have destroyed us all. It is illogical to save those who will not, can not, and most often do not even slightly want to choose you. He chose to love a people determined to turn from him. Where is the logic in that? Yet despite all logic he pursued me. He loved me first and chose me and keeps me. The anchor holds fast behind the veil and a seal has been set upon my heart. I am his, forever tethered to his love.  There is little logical about how Hosea loved his wife who was a prostitute. There is little logical about how Jesus chose me to be his own, despite what are often my best efforts to choose idols and to be my own God. He loved me with his heart, not only his logic. His love is unfailing and will not let me go.
 I may not understand the straight paths he leads me down as many times they are not paths I would ever wish to take, but I am learning to trust the one who leads me with all my heart because I know him, because I love him. When, by Gods strength and grace, I persevere in this kind of trust, I always find that although the road may be painful and the straight path may lead to a cross, the joy I find in Him and the life that springs from death is always worth it. Although the cost of trusting God with all my heart is great, I have never made a sacrifice. This is a truth that I need to remind myself of daily, and all the more when suffering is the greatest. God has always been faithful. When darkness closes in and pain becomes searing, when the future feels unclear and logic tells me to run, Its those moments that I remember his past faithfulness and his promise of closeness in my darkest hour. I trust with my heart the one I know and love and he gives me, moment by moment, the grace to sustain me.